...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
