Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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