I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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