Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish you could order shots online.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
