i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize