where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
