The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
