I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
