He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
