I am spending my child support on dildos
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
