There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
