So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
