your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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