Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
