I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
