home. puking in laundry basket.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
