Plan B is the new Plan A
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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