Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
