The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
