If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
