Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
