Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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