is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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