All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
