Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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