someone threw a dead crab at me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
