he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
please come you make the beer taste better
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we're so committed to being not committed
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