just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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