Betty ford says i'm here all night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
