You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
