I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
