Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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