you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
