oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
