You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
