finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
