She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
