you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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