You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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