I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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