I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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