Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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