Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
