Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
