hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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