I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I die, sorry about rent.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize