she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
