i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I forget how to act sober
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
