the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
