You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
