He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize