why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
