I smell stomach acid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
