The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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