The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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