I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
