so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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