You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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