just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
