I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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