How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
