Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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